Five Men Who Should Win The 2022 Royal Rumble

Alright, settle in, grab a cuppa (or something stronger, no judgment here!), because we need to talk about the Royal Rumble. Specifically, the 2022 Royal Rumble. Now, I know what you're thinking, "But it's already happened!" And you'd be right, you super-observant owl you. But that doesn't mean we can't have a bit of fun imagining the glorious chaos that could have unfolded. Think of this as a delightful "what if" scenario, a wrestling fan's fever dream, fueled by questionable life choices and an unhealthy amount of wrestling knowledge. So, let's dive into the glorious hypothetical and imagine five fellas who, in a perfect world of piledrivers and surprise entrants, should have been hoisting that WrestleMania ticket in 2022. It's like a wrestling fantasy draft, but with more spandex and less fantasy football stats.

First up on our not-so-official "Most Deserving" list, we have a man who, let's be honest, has been robbed more times than a convenience store in a bad action movie. I'm talking about the undisputed, the incredible, the one and only… Kevin Owens! Imagine the sheer joy of seeing KO finally get his WrestleMania moment, not just as a participant, but as the winner of the Rumble. He's the everyman of wrestling, the guy who probably eats more pizza than the average human does in a week, and we love him for it. Think about it: the pop, the sheer disbelief, the tears of joy from wrestling moms everywhere who can finally tell their kids that someone who looks like he might enjoy a good nap actually conquered the world. And wouldn't it be hilarious if he celebrated by immediately demanding a lifetime supply of popcorn? Pure Owens, pure magic. He's a wrestling philosopher trapped in the body of a dude who looks like he argues with the checkout machine at the grocery store. And we wouldn't have it any other way.

The Show-Stopper Who Needed the Spotlight

Next on our hypothetical podium, we’ve got a chap who is frankly too talented, too charismatic, and too damn good at what he does to be anywhere but the main event. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for Johnny Gargano! Seriously, the man is a wrestling chameleon. He can be the plucky underdog, the dastardly heel, the guy who just wants to teach wrestling lessons to children, and he nails it every single time. In 2022, Johnny Wrestling needed that Rumble win. He's a throwback to the days when wrestling was just fun, when you had guys doing flips and moves that defied gravity. He's the kind of guy who could probably sell a hot dog stand on the moon. Imagine the sheer elation of seeing him finally get that big WrestleMania payday, the confetti raining down, and him doing that little bow-and-wink thing he does. It would be a victory for all the indie darlings who dared to dream big. Plus, think of the NXT crossover potential! He could bring his signature NXT flair to the main roster in the grandest way possible.

The Underdog Story We All Secretly Wanted

Moving on, we need to talk about someone who embodies the pure spirit of the Royal Rumble: the unexpected, the underdog, the guy you wouldn't see coming in a million years. And that, my friends, is none other than Ridge Holland. Now, I know what you're thinking, "Ridge? The bloke who fell down the stairs?" And yes, that guy! But hear me out. The Rumble is all about the story. And what a story it would be! Imagine the build-up: "Can the man who once tripped over his own feet conquer 29 other titans?" The sheer drama! The shock factor! He'd be the literal definition of "anyone can win." And the memes, oh, the memes! The internet would break. He'd be trending for weeks. Plus, think of the sheer resilience. Falling down and getting back up is what life is all about, and what better way to prove that than by winning the Royal Rumble after a questionable tumble? It's the ultimate comeback narrative, and frankly, wrestling needs more of that. He'd be the people's champion, the guy who proved that even if you have two left feet, you can still walk all over the competition. And let's be honest, he's got that undeniable "charming oaf" aura that the fans just eat up.

The Return of the King (of Chaos)

Now, for a sprinkle of pure, unadulterated madness. We're talking about someone who, when they're on, is pure electricity. I'm talking about Damian Priest! In 2022, Damian was on a roll, looking like a legit threat, and the Rumble win would have been the perfect cherry on top of his reign of stylish terror. He’s got the look, the entrance music that makes you want to throw on some leather and headbang, and the moves to back it all up. Imagine him strutting out, looking like a vampire who just discovered CrossFit, and then proceeds to decimating the competition. He's the kind of guy who could have a surprise tag team partner – maybe a ghost? – and nobody would bat an eye. The sheer intimidation factor alone is worth its weight in gold. He’s the modern-day rockstar of wrestling, the guy you want to see walk into the sunset at WrestleMania with a championship belt. He embodies that cool, dangerous aura that makes wrestling so captivating. Plus, his finisher is called "The Reckoning," which sounds way cooler than most people's dating profiles.

The Surprise Package That Would Break the Internet

Finally, for our grand finale, we need a wildcard. Someone who would make everyone collectively gasp and then immediately start screaming at their televisions in the best possible way. I'm talking about Aleister Black, or as he should be known, Malakai Black! Now, I know he was doing his own thing in AEW by then, but indulge me in this beautiful, hypothetical fantasy. Imagine the sheer shock if he just showed up. The dark aura, the menacing stare, the ability to make even the most seasoned wrestlers look like they're about to wet themselves. This would be the ultimate "holy crap, did that just happen?" moment. He’s the mysterious figure from the shadows, the one you never see coming, and that’s exactly what the Rumble is all about. The pop would be deafening. The internet would melt. And then he'd go on to have a WrestleMania match that would be talked about for years to come. He’s the wrestling equivalent of that creepy but captivating doll you find in an antique shop – you’re not sure why, but you can’t take your eyes off him. And his entrance? Pure cinematic gold. He'd bring a level of unsettling intensity that's rarely seen, and frankly, that's exactly what the Rumble needs every now and then. A little bit of darkness to contrast all the confetti and happy endings.

So there you have it, my friends. Five men who, in a world where wrestling dreams come true and logic takes a brief sabbatical, should have been walking out of that Royal Rumble in 2022 with a ticket to the big show. It's a fun exercise, right? It makes you appreciate the unpredictability and the sheer spectacle of it all. Until next time, keep your eyes peeled, your popcorn buttered, and your wrestling theories brewing. You never know when another hypothetical Rumble might be just around the corner!